Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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