I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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