I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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