I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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