Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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