I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Four minutes until I can fart!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize