I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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