When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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