At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize