Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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