i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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