It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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