dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize