I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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