I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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