I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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