Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize