I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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