What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize