my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize