just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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