Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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