I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize