M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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