i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize