She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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