yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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