Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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