Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize