that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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