At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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