it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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