At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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