My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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