five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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