Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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