I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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