I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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