Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize