Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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