porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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