Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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