I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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