oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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