her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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