Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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