We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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