I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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