We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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