You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize